The Sales profession has many sacred cows, and the holiest of the herd is that people buy from people they like.
This tenet of traditional selling is so plausible that it is rarely challenged, and I accepted it as a fact until experience forced me to question its truthfulness. When I did, I realized that I had been willfully ignorant, because I chose to disregard proof that prospects buy for reasons other than congeniality. Like a driver with tunnel vision, I missed crucial signs that rapport is not the golden road to success in sales.
SIGN #1: PEOPLE WHO SEEMED TO LIKE ME, DID NOT BUY
Appearances can be deceiving, and it is tough to tell if someone really likes you. What seems to be liking could just be courtesy or "playing nice" to avoid confrontation. Whether it was real or fake, I appeared to have great rapport with prospects who did little or no business with me.
SIGN #2: I HAD LITTLE IN COMMON WITH MY BEST CUSTOMERS
More often than not, our only connection is that they wanted what I sold, and while they did not hate me we were hardly pals. Given our different backgrounds and interests, most of my clients would no sooner have hung out with me than I would have hung out with them. Despite these differences, we managed to do a lot of business together.
SIGN #3: MOST PROSPECTS CANNOT AFFORD TO DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY LIKE THEM
This is particularly true if they buy stuff for a living and are held accountable for their decisions. There is simply too much at stake for buyers to do otherwise.
Honestly: How likely is a purchase from an amiable sales rep if the prospect:
This tenet of traditional selling is so plausible that it is rarely challenged, and I accepted it as a fact until experience forced me to question its truthfulness. When I did, I realized that I had been willfully ignorant, because I chose to disregard proof that prospects buy for reasons other than congeniality. Like a driver with tunnel vision, I missed crucial signs that rapport is not the golden road to success in sales.
SIGN #1: PEOPLE WHO SEEMED TO LIKE ME, DID NOT BUY
Appearances can be deceiving, and it is tough to tell if someone really likes you. What seems to be liking could just be courtesy or "playing nice" to avoid confrontation. Whether it was real or fake, I appeared to have great rapport with prospects who did little or no business with me.
SIGN #2: I HAD LITTLE IN COMMON WITH MY BEST CUSTOMERS
More often than not, our only connection is that they wanted what I sold, and while they did not hate me we were hardly pals. Given our different backgrounds and interests, most of my clients would no sooner have hung out with me than I would have hung out with them. Despite these differences, we managed to do a lot of business together.
SIGN #3: MOST PROSPECTS CANNOT AFFORD TO DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY LIKE THEM
This is particularly true if they buy stuff for a living and are held accountable for their decisions. There is simply too much at stake for buyers to do otherwise.
Honestly: How likely is a purchase from an amiable sales rep if the prospect:
- Doesn't want or need what the salesperson is offering?
- Can't afford it?
- Finds the terms of sale unfavorable?
Not very, in my experience.
SIGN #4: THE TOP SALESPEOPLE I KNEW DIDN'T TRY TO GET PROSPECTS TO LIKE THEM
Neither did they pretend to be like the people they called on. What's more, many of these folks lacked dynamic personalities. A few were downright dull, so wooden that they attracted termites. Nevertheless, they consistently outsold the rest of us.
SIGN #5: RAPPORT-BUILDING IS REPULSIVE TO ME AS A CONSUMER
For a time I was so keen to be liked that I failed to consider how I feel when sellers try to build rapport with me, which is "slimed."
At first I dismissed this feeling as unique to folks who sell for a living. Over time, however, I came to realize that most buyers react the same way, and resist salespeople who try to manipulate them psychologically.
SIGN #6: BUYERS ARE MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN EVER
By "sophisticated" I mean more worldly and better informed. Legions of prospects are now wise to the machinations of salespeople, especially their use of rapport-building techniques. Whether or not these techniques work - if such a thing can be determined - is beside the point: The point is that these methods are clearly manipulative, and increasingly familiar to buyers who resent their use.
SIGN #7: LIKING IS NICE BUT NOT NECESSARY
If a prospective buyer likes you it is good but not required. What is vital, is that you not turn prospects into adversaries. This, I believe, is the true meaning of the adage that "people buy from people they like," which properly translates as, "prospects don't buy from repulsive salespeople" - sellers who try to manipulate, bully, or bluff them into a purchase.
Whether or not somebody likes you is beyond your control. What you can control is your behavior, which either creates or eliminates sales resistance.
SIGN #8: RAPPORT IS AN EFFECT AS WELL AS A CAUSE
Over time we can grow to like people different from us who are respectful, honest, and direct. As proof, I submit most of my friends.
More often than not, rapport develops between a buyer and seller AFTER they do business together, if neither party is manipulative, aggressive, or deceptive.
These realities forced me to conclude that most people don't buy from people they like: They buy from people they trust and respect, who can satisfy their specific wants.
Like most of the sacred cows in traditional selling, the importance of rapport is just plain bull.
SIGN #4: THE TOP SALESPEOPLE I KNEW DIDN'T TRY TO GET PROSPECTS TO LIKE THEM
Neither did they pretend to be like the people they called on. What's more, many of these folks lacked dynamic personalities. A few were downright dull, so wooden that they attracted termites. Nevertheless, they consistently outsold the rest of us.
SIGN #5: RAPPORT-BUILDING IS REPULSIVE TO ME AS A CONSUMER
For a time I was so keen to be liked that I failed to consider how I feel when sellers try to build rapport with me, which is "slimed."
At first I dismissed this feeling as unique to folks who sell for a living. Over time, however, I came to realize that most buyers react the same way, and resist salespeople who try to manipulate them psychologically.
SIGN #6: BUYERS ARE MORE SOPHISTICATED THAN EVER
By "sophisticated" I mean more worldly and better informed. Legions of prospects are now wise to the machinations of salespeople, especially their use of rapport-building techniques. Whether or not these techniques work - if such a thing can be determined - is beside the point: The point is that these methods are clearly manipulative, and increasingly familiar to buyers who resent their use.
SIGN #7: LIKING IS NICE BUT NOT NECESSARY
If a prospective buyer likes you it is good but not required. What is vital, is that you not turn prospects into adversaries. This, I believe, is the true meaning of the adage that "people buy from people they like," which properly translates as, "prospects don't buy from repulsive salespeople" - sellers who try to manipulate, bully, or bluff them into a purchase.
Whether or not somebody likes you is beyond your control. What you can control is your behavior, which either creates or eliminates sales resistance.
SIGN #8: RAPPORT IS AN EFFECT AS WELL AS A CAUSE
Over time we can grow to like people different from us who are respectful, honest, and direct. As proof, I submit most of my friends.
More often than not, rapport develops between a buyer and seller AFTER they do business together, if neither party is manipulative, aggressive, or deceptive.
These realities forced me to conclude that most people don't buy from people they like: They buy from people they trust and respect, who can satisfy their specific wants.
Like most of the sacred cows in traditional selling, the importance of rapport is just plain bull.
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